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mood

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nauseated

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I woke up kind of depressed today but in the end, everything is alright. For now at least.

I skipped work, just because I didn't feel like dealing. Is that bad? I have no desire to work, or make money some days. I am fine with paying my bills this month, so I really can take off when I please. Its just my parents who get in my way, giving lectures about this and that. I really think they are too old fashioned sometimes. I do not conform to society, and I do what I want most of the time. Does that make me a brat? I guess so. But I look at it this way: I'm 22, not 42. I have no children nor family to support. I don't even have a significant other. The more money I make the more I spend. Usually on myself. I have a crazy large wardrobe, accessories, video games out the ass and computer stuff too. I don't buy movies often and I don't buy music ever unless its a local band. The only thing I really need money for aside from bills is for shows. There is no problem in my eyes with living spontaneously, and just doing things random. I can't stand being judged. Maybe I don't want to grow up but what the fuck is the rush?! Seriously. I don't get it. Life without some surprises to me is silly. I don't want to live some planned out shit. Granted I like my security and routine but at the same time, I get bored extremely easily. I have to spice things up, I have to live the way I want.

I'm always bored, its part of who I am. Not being able to find something to fucking do, or having too much to do. If I was allowed to work from home I'd be much more efficient. I wouldn't have to bother with people I'd rather not see, I wouldn't have to get sad at people I can't have, and I would be able to work whenever (to some extent. I am not naive, people), and stay up as late as I'd like. I do that now but, I pay for it. I can't help it though. I function best at 4am and if that means I will suffer with waking up at six AM and feeling nauseas then so be it. Its better than not functioning at all.

I am slightly amused at how I drank tonight and yet it had almost no effect on me. Almost a disappointment. Not like I drank a lot or anything (2 shots maybe? If that. Of vodka in a mixed smoothie type drink.) But I expected to at least get buzzed. I just had difficulty typing for about half hour then zoned out for a short time finding it harder to keep up with IMs with usual but that's really nothing new! But yeah that was my post new years celebration part 1 of 2 seeing as I didn't really drink on new years. Fri or sat ill get shitfaced, just for the hell of it. Maybe. The problem with alcohol is after I drink, I'm good for half an hour then I need to sleep. I am fully dysfunctional by then and passing out, which sucks. So more often than not I'd rather not drink, so I can stay awake.

Anyway I need sleep, I am feeling sick and shaky from lack of it. A whole entire hour and a half. Haha. Wooooooo.